Writing a synopsis for HD right now. Have I ever told you about my first published storypoem that was actually a synopsis for one of the earlier versions of PoS? It was 18 pages long–and it rhymed.

Glare. I am suffering from eyestrain because of the damned glare. I can feel it already, and it’s only noon.

My boss told me to get a glare screen. I shall do that. The temptation to order a privacy glare screen is very strong, but I don’t think they’d go for that. *g*

Sniggle.

I Am Loki

Loki is the darkest-natured of all the tricksters and like him, your sense of humor can be morbid, even a bit spiteful at times. You find it wickedly amusing when someone makes a fool of themselves and you’re willing to help the process along. Cries of outrage fall on deaf ears – you couldn’t care less what the commoners think. And god help anyone who tries to make a fool of you – they’ll find out quickly just how nasty you can be!.

Which Trickster are you?
Take the Trickster Test at www.isleofdreams.net

I’m sure my characters think this is very apt!

Morning!

I had to take the counter off my sample chapters because the stupid thing had a popup advertisement and I hate popups with a passion. So. No more popups!

I’m getting a late start again this morning. Bed was just too comfortable to get out of. Or maybe it was my frustrating wasted evening… who knows. But at least I won’t be late for our 8am meeting. *sigh*

This is making my head hurt.

Alternately, is there a way to attach an FM stereo to the computer? So I could conceivably play the radio and record to the computer? Is this possible? Am I going about this the wrong way? Should I just stick with tapes? *g*

Here’s the deal:

I have an old FM Receiver Microphone. You tune any radio to a certain station, and you can broadcast from anywhere in the house.

I want to record Heart’s Desire. On CD, preferably, so I can listen to it in the car.

Is there a way for me to be able to make the microphone work with a PC? Is there an FM tuner somewhere out there that you can download and tune to blank radio stations? Does anyone reading this know if this is possible or not? *g*

Note: I don’t have any money to spend on equipment, but if I have to buy something to make it work, please let me know what it is and I’ll stick it on my list.

Any suggestions? I really really love this microphone…

Morning!

Well, I woke up late, and just had to reply to a nice email I received, so I was late for work. No one noticed, or cared. And they really don’t care, just as long as I get my 40 hours in a week. So that works.

The email, and the fact that I slept really well last night (and probably the fact that the talk with the psychologist was rather validating) put me in a great mood this morning. I didn’t even worry about being late to work. I took my time, ate breakfast, and I’m still in a good mood. Weird.

Listened to one of my favorite Great Big Sea songs today on the way to work and sang at the top of my lungs too. With my windows down. As I was on the expressway, I doubt anyone heard, but still. *g*

I’m going to take my morning “break” to read over yesterday’s wordcount and see how it sounds. I’ll probably write a bit as well. We shall see.

Okay, since I posted that wordcount into the wrong blog, I guess this is a sacrificial post to the Blogger gods… Goodnight.

Went to talk to the psychologist guy tonight. Our first ‘real’ session; an hour long, and I spent the entire time talking. Geez. Get me alone, and ask me the right questions, and wham! Off I go.

He did have a couple of good points. He did not, however, tell me that I was wrong or doing the wrong thing. Or that I had some deep dark secret that I might not even know about.

So. He’s nice enough, I think. I’m still not exactly sure why I’m there, other than for validation, but I will keep going.

And to that end, I’m giving myself Monday off for ebay, because I can’t do everything and spend an hour talking. So. Anyway.

I should be headed to bed, but I’m not at all tired… Hrrmm.

You know, it’s not fun doing things this way. I realized something today, or re-realized it, because it’s been kicking around in my head for a while and I know I’ve written about it before.

I’m working three jobs. Day job, Writing, and Ebay.

The dayjob is 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week. If I add in commute time and the fact that I have to actually be at that job for nine hours a day (counting a 1 hour lunch), then I’m actually out of the house ten hours a day, or 50 hours a week. If I add the 45 minutes per day it takes me to get ready (packing lunches, getting dressed, showered, etc.), the grand total is: 52.25 hours a week.

Writing, on the other hand, is what I want to do with my life. My passion. My career. I write every day. Sometimes during lunches, but not always. Approximately? Oh, two and a half hours a day during the week, and as much as five hours a day on the weekends. So. Writing takes up 22.50 hours per week.

Ebay. Well, 20 auctions a day takes about an hour and a half a day to do. Technically. Sometimes it takes longer, sometimes it doesn’t take very long at all, depending what I’m posting. Shipping takes longer, because I have to pack up the stuff and mail it. So. Let’s say, oh, 16 hours a week. That’s counting waiting in line at the PO, too.

Okay. Total so far is: 90.75 hours per week.

Now. There are twenty-four hours in a day, and seven days per week, which is 168 hours. I sleep between 6.5-7 hours a night, usually. So, that means I spend approximately 49 hours a week asleep. Okay. Let’s do some math here.

I spend 139.75 hours a week either at the day job, writing, ebaying, or sleeping. That leaves me with a grand total of: 28.25 hours of “free” time per week.

In that free time, I have to: Pay the bills, cook dinner, do dishes, clean house, run errands, etc., etc., etc. I also do market research, answer email, critique, maintain my website, make dolls, read, blog, go to counseling, fret, argue, get depressed, etc., etc., etc.

No wonder why I’m tired all the time. *g*

Of course, I could work 40 hours a week at the day job and have that be it. I could quit now and give up on my dreams like so many other people have. I could toss my goals and dreams in the garbage and turn my back on myself. Quite a few people I know have done this.

But you know what? I would never be able to forgive myself if I didn’t do this. And I honestly would not give it up for anything. (Writing, that is. I’d give ebay up in a heartbeat, along with the dayjob.)

Over 90 hours a week is more than two full-time jobs. Over half that amount is the day job. I seriously have to sit down and ask myself if it’s worth it. Honestly and sincerely–is it worth it? (I already know my answer, btw. It’s kind of obvious.)

But do I have what it takes to be able to pay my bills doing what I love? The only way I’ll know that is if I submit, and I have to admit, part of me is scared. The part of me that hates change is still reaching towards that distant day when my job description and my dream match. That part of me can dream all she wants, but to actually implement a change takes more courage than she sometimes has.

For the longest time, that part of me has ruled. Whenever a change is imminent, that part of me has reared her head and balked. Even if it’s a good change, she doesn’t want anything to do with it.

I’ve realized I can’t ignore this part of me. I can’t pretend she’s going to go away if I don’t talk to her, and I can’t dismiss her out of hand. I have to convince her that change is good, especially if it involves the cumulation of a lifelong dream.

Tonight, I trumped that part of me and forced myself to send a query to ROC. Tomorrow, I will start printing HD to send to DAW, or write a synopsis to go with the first three chapters.

Vicki sent me a quote a while back, and she’s got it posted on her blog now. I wrote it out and put it on my smaller bulletin board. I’m going to share it with you now.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” –Eleanor Roosevelt.

You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

I think that sentence just became my mantra.